When this site was first designed, about 10 revisions ago at least, it started out as a one page, simple html document back in 1996 when I was still learning how html code even worked. This is the story of the Great Canadian Dragon, of Dragons in Canada, and all the mystery and secrets held within. (Of course it is also a story of sarcasm and sterotypes so please don't bother sending me hate mail regarding it; if you don't like the story, go away. And yes, I am Canadian.
Have you ever wondered where all the dragons went from the stories of old? Why they live in Canada of course, and here is proof!
So it isnít always cold up in Canada; no, do NOT bring your ski suits and snow sleds year round. And of course you want to come visit Canada, who wouldnít? So peaceful, so happy, how could anyone not love such a country?
Just think of the cheerful, polite people running aboot on dog sleds, or sitting around a warm fire in the center of their igloo.
(If you visit Canada, make sure to bring a really warm sleeping bag, and thick pajamas. It gets really cold in the igloo at night when the fire burns down.)
Well, hereís the scoop. Canadians have been keeping a secret from the rest of the world for a long timeÖ
The secret of their huge army of fire-breathing, house-crushing dragons they have living among their vast wilderness. Donít believe me? Just ask a Canadian, and see what they say (Also ask them how their president is doing. Canadians love talking about their president, as well as any politics. (You might want to put on your snow suit you brought up in June first, though. It will give you some extra padding.)
The evidence that dragons live in Canada has been right in front of everyone all along! Here are the facts:
Perfect living conditions for dragons.
Have you ever seen how big Canada is? It is the second largest country in the world area wise, but the population doesnít reflect itÖ at least the human populationÖ
Canada is tucked out of the way.
Thatís right! Canada may be big, but it is neatly tucked up in one corner of the globe, away from every one else, and with no important countries nearby (just kidding, just kidding!) Dragons prefer solitude, which Canada provides. All Canada would have to do is take its name off the map, and I'm sure many people wouldn't even know where to look.
Wildlife is very important in Canada.
Canadians seem very concerned about wildlife and preserving the natural environment- at least the good Canadians anyway. For example, they are:
concerned about pollution (could poison a dragon).
making sure there are plenty of deer and seals around (dragon food). fighting to save the forests from destruction (where dragons live). arguing for the sake of air quality (dragons need air too).
Öhmm, could it be that they donít want to threaten the dragonís homelands?
Canada's Peacekeeping Military
Why do you think Canadians donít worry about having a mostly peacekeeping military force? Have you ever noticed that they:
donít worry about drafting, and they donít worry about sharing the longest undefended border with the United States.
Of course, it is because if matters got bad, Canadians know they have their large friends to back them up.
The Northern Lights are a Cover-up.
Did you really think that "ionizing particles in the atmosphere" cause the northern lights? Of course not, because Dragons do. They have to stay in practice if they are to be Canadian Defenders. The Northern lights are actually the dragonís practice drills to keep their breath weapons in shape, and make sure they donít forget their proper battle formations.
The Alien Conspiracy.
Have you ever noticed that in alien movies like "Independence Day," the aliens attack the United States and other countries, while you never hear of them attacking Canada? Surely it couldn't be because many people think Canada is just one big snow-storm... no, it is because Aliens are afraid of Canadian dragons, and would rather not face Canadaís fire-breathing wrath!
Well folks, I'm not sure there is much of a moral to the story, but I guess the point is watch out for stereotypes- about any country. And of course watch out for dragons- you don't want to get eaten!
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